Life is such; when the kids are finally asleep and you have all the time to shower, eat, do whatever shit you need but instead…you sit down and marvel at the creation of God. Staring deeply and slowly syncing your breathing with your kids. 
Alawiyah; the first. The dragon girl. The fiesty yet sensitive. The sensible one who marvels at every little thing. The sweet one underneath it all.

Adam; the second. The sweetest. The one who smiles melts you deep within. Who marvels at the sister.
Oh yes. I have number 2. So i guess it’s “the little warriorS” now. 


Hello everyone, I am writing this on behalf of my Ibu!

“What have you done to your child till she is too attached and fearful to relatives?”

Dear relatives,

I’m only 8 coming 9months old. You may be my relatives but to my shining little eyes, you are a stranger. I don’t see you on daily basis so allow me to cool down and get use to the surrounding before you approach me. I’m very attached with my Ibu and Aby. They are very protective about me especilly my Ibu. She sold her soul, life and even body to resurrect me out of her body 9mths ago.
My Ibu cries each time you say to let me cry it out loud. Ibu don’t like nor condone those act cause its against her principe as a human. You see, she loves me too much to see me cry my eyeball out.

My Ibu and Aby loves me that’s why they babywear me around the place. I’m still new in the world. Everything seems big and scary to me. I need their help with everything. So, If you were to see my Ibu fish out her nursing cover, it means I need my milk and comfort.

Allow me to accustom to the surrounding before you barge and squeeze my beautiful puffy cheeks. I know I am adorable( which baby isn’t?!) and I love when people carry me. That’s when I’m ready.

So keep calm and relax before carrying me around. And pls, don’t grab me from my Ibu. I have anxiety separation when you do that. Well, that’s what my doctor Adeline say. She say its normal for baby my age.

Thank you everyone.
Now pls don’t make my Ibu cry with your bad bad remarks. I love you Aby!!



the sudden plunge

dear alawiyah

my biggest and greatest fear unfolding again. my dearest boobie is not making much milk. i am seriously not tempted to start you on formula. don’t even start with the list of good formula to me cause seriously, i know too many that is genuinely not good enough comparing to my boobie milk. i seriously hope the amount of soup and h2o that i drown myself could somehow jump-start my supply again. don’t start with preaching me on the amount of rest i need. a full time working mother has no rest. i am not stress each time i come home. my life seems complete each time i come back from work.

alawiyah, i need your favour. you got to latch as hard as you did months ago when you first started with this breastfeeding business with me. you can’t ditch on me, yet. we had a contract. it stated clearly 2 years so you, got to do your job just as i am doing mine. yes, you are latching on me 24hours but please, the other boobie needs some suckling too. your dearest mother is suepr loopsided thanks to you!

*cries cries cries*

let’s hope this sudden drop of milk supply is because of auntie flo. really wishing to feed you till you turns 2years baby. really.

hugs & kisses,
ur mother who badly wanna keep up with the breastfeeding business.



my post won’t be too often or rarely but ill post. I’m in the midst of clearing my heads, house and juggling a 3 shift job with an small girl is hard.


her first bruised fall.

promised the little one that today morning, we will wake up feeling fresh and cook for her daddy. exactly at 5am, she woke up smiling away(minus the small faint cry). she was perspiring and sweaty. it’s a no aircon night for us. the whole parental care is down with fever and cough. yep, Alawiyah you are the strongest link. Still well and awesome.

brought her along to the kitchen ad cook. one thing fr sure, I’m excited to see her grow up and learn to cook like how I did with Ibu. started to cooked at a tender age of 9yrs old. cooking was fun (at times) back then.

Anyway, she had a first bruised fall yesterday night while trying to crawl at a distant. cried a million tears that only poor nippy can cure her tears. oh dear, I foresee more falls soon cos this girl won’t be sitting and act pretty. She is one active little baby.



because I refuse to cook lunch.

the amount of stares when i fed you pasta with carrots. so, this is what we called baby led weaning. we feed our babies whatever that we are eating. i am not poisoning my child and i’m definitely not choking her. she is eating normally. gnawing away happily. distracted by the mass of lookers around her. but oh wells, she is enjoying herself with the many lights that IKEA could give to her.

today was yet another off day and dear daddy took leave to look for inspiration for the new house. yes, we are getting our house key in 3 weeks time. 3 weeks time!!! Yes, Hari Raya Aidilfitri will be at our very own house. for the first time in many years, i have something to look forward. Allah has really blessed me with many good things. Masya Allah, thank you!

dear Alawiyah,
be a good girl for now and have your nap while i do some research on the house.